Heartened.

Been receiving lots of really positive inputs from the people around me (whether is it directly to me or I went to stalk people and found it HAHA shhhhh...). I think one thing I know I learnt the most from this journey is knowing the importance of setting your priorities straight.

Although I may not seem like it, I actually consider myself as a highly empathetic person. I want to be able to think of things from your perspective and I want to believe that you are just reacting due to some circumstances you faced. But probably the people in my team would not think so cause I'm always really firm and being stubborn on what is already agreed upon and what I feel is right to do. (Probably received hate or had impressions of me changed but heh.) I would actually still feel bad. Feel bad for the people who have to sacrifice so much, for the people who are having troubles due to clashing commitments.

At the same time, I feel like I work mainly on logic too. Like I based my opinions on pure logic (which I have come to learn that logic is one very subjective matter. What may come natural to me may not for you). With these two things in mind, often when I'm faced with any... hiccups(?), I would reason it out in my brain. Imagine having an official debate but in my mind, one side that is asking me to be more understanding and the other asking me to be logical and do what is right. I mean there are times when both sides can come to this common ground where I realised when I think of something from the other person's perspective, their actions become logical (in the sense that they are merely responding to their surroundings).

Yesterday, as immature as it sounds, I had my feelings hurt quite badly HAHA (sorry for the fragile heart of mine HAHAHA). Even though I could understand why everyone was being tired and everything (cause I was also dying HAHA), when I was really giving my all to try iron things out, to make things better and smoother for everyone's sake, all I really asked for was people to cooperate and to respond when I'm asking crucial questions. Is that too much to ask for? But yea, now looking back at it, I feel like I was acting really unprofessional about everything (especially when I decided to walk out of that place). Eish. Okay enough of all the negative vibes. Back to being positive.

Maybe it is cause I have chosen to surround myself with people who had positive vibes and everything. I have been receiving alot of really nice things from the people around me. Like a random note (omg I can't describe that warm fuzzy feeling I feel when I receive handwritten letters or even a text LIKE AWWWW THANKS), or just people asking me if I'm feeling okay/feeling stressed out. It is just really nice to be on the receiving end of all these. And it makes me feel more motivated to pass this positive vibe to somebody else HEHE. I may not seem like it to them. But I always make an effort to look out for the people around me. So when I'm on the receiving end of such care, I just feel really... blessed(?)

There is so much one can do to change someone. Any changes really do have to come from within, from the want to improve, to be better. I am trying my best to deliver my part as clearly as possible. My team have been trying our best to push and motivate (trying to balance between these 2 too).

There are bound to be a few souls out there who just have not realised how easily this change can happen if they just want it for themselves. But in the mean time, I'm thankful for those who have been putting as much if not more effort into this with me. Feeling fulfilled and just heartened to see people want to improve in dance. And maybe by the end of this journey, I can too start to persuade myself to start wanting to pursue more than I am now. To become a better person/dancer I am now. To just find back the courage to try and not be limited by my own fear.