I don't remember how I even started to talk to Priscilla about RHMP audition and after her persuasion, she managed to like sign me up for the audition even though I missed the deadline like by a LOT LEL. So yes, I got myself signed up for this random RHMP audition, not knowing what I was getting myself into. Went for the audition and guess which stage was I put through first?! HEH. Singing. SINGING. GAWD DAMMIT. And of all songs that I could have chosen, I chose to sing What Are Words (I'm so sorry for ruining this song in every degree possible.) Got through it feeling like I had to strip naked LOL. Legit that was how I felt. Then next came pitch, I was so terrible because somehow the piano just doesn't register in my brain HAHA. And I can VERY clearly remember Sebas being slowly annoyed with helping me HAHAH. And then to make things worse, JianHan was there. OH MY GAWD I felt so embarrassed.
I think after that, I was in this mental breakdown mood or something. I just went through acting without thinking too much. Cause like, I know I definitely cannot act HAHAHA. Then it finally came to dancing! Woohoo!! First part was contemp, praise the lord for the first nice thing to happen that day. It was fast but it was nice (fun fact: the final choreo different from the audition one)!! Next.... couple dancing. *rolls eyes* WHY?!?! Okay anyway, I got paired with this guy (whom I can't remember anymore, how surprising HAHA) and he was really nice to work with. I mean a very typical person who is dancing for the first time. I had to slowly go through the steps with him, encourage him and everything. UNTIL Tristan came over, then he pushed me away and told me this is an audition and I shouldn't be teaching him. I mean honestly till today, I don't really get what he meant. Ok. End of the horrendous day. Went home and kept squirming around cause those embararssing singing times keep replaying in my head.
BUT. Miraculously, I got through. No idea how but somehow I did. And then haish, the tough life as an ensemble started. First up, singing. -.- At that point in time, I was already feeling really shitty about myself because of everything that was going on and to have singing added on to it, I felt like I don't deserve to live anymore cause I was so horrible at everything I do.
Okay lah, don't need to go into too much information about how shitty I was feeling back then during audition and during training cause things just gets worse from there HAHAAH (kidding, good things happened too)
Recess week came and that meant RHMP intensive. Had 3.5 days of RHMP. Honestly, it was a really tough week to get by because we (ensem) were like suddenly expected to act (like legitly) and there were quite high expectations of us to do well and everything. SO at the end of that 3.5 days, I broke down. Huge part of it was cause of catch (contemp item). With just tianran and I who are more... dance inclined (?), I felt responsible to ensure all the other people could keep up but obviously there were alot of problems cause well its contemp. Then i think Tristan (he's pretty nice lah) he said something like I throw my friends under the bus when I was just explaining something to tianran or something. Wah, that sentence just tipped me over. The guilt and frustration just flooded in like no one's business. Went to the toilet and like just broke down cause I was really tired of staying positive even when the comments were not so positive.
BUT, good things also came out of it. I think recess week was the week that I really got to know everyone in ensem and it was also the week that we just had fun and do stupid things together. It was also recess week which brought tianran and i closer, don't know how but somehow did. Fast forward, it was bump in already. Those 3/4 days are for now the best 4 days in Sem 1. Even though I had to suffer with rushing out work after that, those times were really well spent. I had alot of fun and made alot of memories with my dear friends.
Then, reality sunk in. I was about to go out on stage to do mic-check. That moment, I can still feel it, my legs were like jelly. I couldn't stand up and I just sat down, starting to regret joining RHMP. Wanted to pull out, like legit. HAHAAH. okok back to the actual thing. The real performance felt so... surreal. Like, it felt so... weird and fast. Like time went by so quickly and suddenly, we were done with act 1. LIKE ERRMAIGAWD. I remember during finale, when we were all walking around (part of the choreo ah, not i gong), I remember taking the time to look at the interior of the UCC hall and look at the faces around. I remember tearing up just alittle cause that was the last time I would see those faces light up under those glaring spotlight, that was the last time them on that stage in that setting. And then it ended. Just like that, so fast so abruptly.
RHMP honestly to me was a really tough and long journey. With everything that happened at the start of the semester which I shall not elaborate here, the choice to join RHMP really pushed me to my limits and may have pushed me over my limits a couple of times. I went into RHMP doubting I would even be able to survive in there, I went into RHMP wondering how on earth did I end up there and I went into RHMP thinking I was SOOO going to be the burden (not that that is entirely not true lah). But I came out of RHMP feeling a sense of achievement to have performed a non-dance based performance, I came out of RHMP knowing that I would do this again if I were given a choice and I came out of RHMP knowing that it is okay to be a burden because I had a great team to fall back on. Which brings me to my next point. The friends that I met through ensem.
Went into ensem knowing nobody, not a single dong from the same course or same block. Everyone had someone they somewhat knew before this RHMP shit except for me. But then when recess week came, I was able to talk to alot more people and actually get to know them. Here is where the weird part comes, after recess week, I have no idea why I was suddenly really awkward with everybody in ensem. Like when I see them outside of RHMP, I just look down and pray that they didn't see me so they will just walk past me. It was really bad. Even during practice, I was like awkwardly floating around cause well, I didn't know what to say. So for a very long time, I had alittle crisis of almost breaking away from the ensem. But bump in came about, things were slightly better cause the stage makes me naturally do stupid things and when people laugh at me, well, i just laugh along so at least got interaction there lah.
Ok, fast forward to bump in a few days before the actual thing. I feel like that was when I truly feel like close to my ensem people. I actually feel like I genuinely had fun all while being myself. Which I'm extremely grateful. Even though I still was very awkward with like a few people LEL.
(as you can see Joy is starting to get lazy here)
What's a performance without Joy fainting right? LOL. Can't believe I actually almost fainted once and then legit faint the second time. Okay first time, I really don't know why also LOL. Just whoop feel like fainting. HAHA. Second time was the horror. I knew I was going to faint. So there was a full run at 7pm and I had a meeting with my GER1000 tutor till 6.30pm at Uni Hall. So I ran back all the way to UCC (because the bus refuses to arrive and save my day. ._.) in like 10 mins, change into my outfit, put on super light makeup because time was not one my side. And then off I go for full run (with an empty stomach and an already over-exerted body). And then BAM! Right after song 4, I just went unconscious. But this time was legit scary cause I have no recollection of what happened. Like phew.... I REALLY need to learn how to perform within my own body limits.
(i need to conclude this so PHOTO TIME!!)
"Damn blur but this is our official first ensem photo"
"Stupid things we do together"
"Everyone wants to join the green club huehue"
"proud founders of the green club"
"a damn cool bts photo"
"random shujing appears"
"pretty performance shots that I'm too shy to post"
"Finale: when the ensem go marching in"
"we look damn happy here HAHA"
okok.. dedication time~ even though they prolly won't even get to read it HAHA
First up, my very pretty friend, Audrey. Super thankful for her. She was my first friend in Ensem cause well I had no friends. And she was also my anchor for singing. Like praise the lord for her. She was super willing and patient with me even though I screw up 99.9999% of the time HAHA. She may seem cold and abit hard to approach at first but man, when you get to know her, she is an angel.
Whoop, here is Annabelle. I met her through audition and honestly, I was quite intimidated by her lah cause she can sing like a dolphin LEL. She almost made it into cast and thank gawd she didn't (i sound super bad) cause I wouldn't have met such a wonderful friend. She is really willing to learn and it warms my heart to see her trying her very best when learning contemp in RHdance.
HAHA, the same surname and same ethnic one ah, Shaun. Honestly, I thought quite hard lah to see if I should include him HAHA. He may be full of rubbish but he can be quite deep at times. Thanks for being a serious ass during catch and trying to get the guys' standard as high as possible lah horh. HAHA, I hope you find the one for you soon!
AHAHAHAAH it's Linus the Cupid. Well, the reason why we became dancing partners was cause he didn't know anybody and he sort of know me ._. Okay lah, it was great getting to know him abit better through RHMP though I have to say I still am very awkward with him cause of everything that happened during Rag. It's just me but mehh, I can't get over it and somemore he once joking (hopefully!!) said I ostracised him during Rag. Errmaigawd HAHA. Another fun fact, we can't make eye contact when we dance, we just can't. HAHAHA
HHAHA it's Rubin, my dance partner in Catch. Thank you for tolerating all my burden (including my weight but thank gawd they removed the legit carry part). Thank you for always like trying your very best HAHA. I feel damn bad towards him cause like I just can't trust him enough and I'm just awkward with him (there are reasons but meh I shall not write it here). I don't see him around anymore but HAHAH if there is something going on with that girl, huehue all the best~ HAHHA
HEHEHE Mingxuan, aka my good-food friend. She is one of the hidden treasure that I found in Ensem. It didn't occur to me initially just how precious she was until RHMP ended. Throughout my entire journey, she has always been there when I was feeling down and when I was feeling discouraged. I mean I had friends to turn to but she was one who would notice and approach me before I said anything. Damn her for all her good food snaps but heh im looking forward to going out with her to go eat good food WHOOP.
It's Roujing!! My dear founder of the green club. I love how she approach us and see us as friends. Even though I didn't get close to her like directly (it was through tianran), we had a lot of good times together. Thank you for choreo-ing for us and thank you for being very patient with us. Hope to get to know you even better and hopefully I can finally get past my senior-junior barrier.
WOOOHOOO it's finally her, Tianran!! She is my biggest takeaway from RHMP. Not sure how we actually became friends and then became close. But slowly, we started to see each other almost everyday. Be it for breakfast, dinner, CCA or just random chitchats. She is one person who has a great smile and yet hides alot of stories and pain behind her smile. She taught me to be a better person and she understands how I feel with my insecurities. She has never hesitated to rush to me when I feel like I'm slipping into the slump again. I'm genuinely thankful for her.
