I don't know if it's the vibe that I give off or what but recently, a lot of people come to me to like chit chat about their problems. I mean I don't know whether it's a good thing or not. I don't mind listening, actually I quite like the feeling that people are willing to trust me and depend on me.
The problem comes when I take all these problems up onto myself and worry about them for the people with the problem. And then I just keep passing them my positive energy in hopes that they feel better after talking to me. But at the same time, I get filled with their negative energy and I just get down. Everytime I walk away from talking to someone, I feel so drained and tired. I feel accomplished but I feel super negative and things. I feel sorry that they are facing these problems and I feel bad for not being able to do much.
And when I become low and everything, it suddenly occurs to me that I don't actually know who I can turn to to pour out all these energy. Cause everybody looks to me for support, I can't afford to crumble in front of them. Especially my closer friends, I don't want to have to turn to them and add on to their burdens.
To all the new friends I made, I can't find it in me to reciprocate the trust they gave me and talk to them cause I'm really quite scared that shit would happen again if I trust again. It's kind of sad how me caring for someone and me treasuring every relationship has always led me to the same conclusion. Caring too much and treasuring more always put you at a more vulnerable spot and when shit happens, while the other party walks away unscathed, I will have to walk away like I lost a part of my life.
Maybe this is the reason why I never ever tried to think of getting into a relationship because if
friends can affect me so much, if friends can break me so easily, what more someone whom I truly am fond of and trust.
"Because of all your selfishness, it crushed me from inside. But until today, I still hope you are happy."
No comments:
Post a Comment