Who You Are

"I stare at my reflection in the mirror.

Why am I doing this to myself?

Losing my mind on a tiny error,

I nearly left the real me on the shelf."

 It's been so long since I last updated this place cause life after DU has been a tough one catching up to. But that being said, it doesn't mean that nothing good happened during these past 2-3 weeks. I feel like because this period of time where everyone is super busy with their own things (aka assignments and finals), I really got the time to focus on me, myself and I. I really got to choose who I wanted to hang out with, who I should put in the effort to stay in contact or like meet up often. Maybe because everyone is so busy, that's why I have no pressure in trying to ensure that I'm there for everyone else.

Let's just talk about the mundane things, school (aka trying my very best to save my CAP). This sem has been a relatively great one. I really enjoyed most of my modules except maybe one mod (FAS1102 urgh) and this other project group (cause I'm an awkward turtle, God save me). But I have been enjoying learning what is being taught and actually been motivated to learn more about the topics discussed. Kinda sad that this sem ended so quickly ): Thankful for all the good friends and teachers I met, especially my EL1101E teachers (errmaigawd I love them *hearts*)

Moving on to these 2-3weeks. It's actually quite boring. Everyday I would wake up at around 7.30am, wash up and get my breakfast, come back to my room to pack my stuff and move to upper lounge to study at my spot. I swear everyday it's like this. Just studying most of the time. But I have friends who were there, making it so much easier to get through this boring and brain draining period: Zile, Jianing and Niyin. (: Like super thankful for them. They make my day much more entertaining (like the laughing is the laugh-until-I-find-it-hard-to-breathe kind), I get my needed human interaction throughout the day without having to fear that I'm disturbing the shit out of them. We would initially randomly go to the dance room to dance cause we got too saturated from studying whatever we were studying. Really thankful to have gotten so much more closer to them (: Glad that I would be seeing them around more often next semester. ((:

Also, I cleared up some things that was bothering the shit out of me (refer to a few post before i think). Glad to have thought through about how I feel about everything and actually get my focus at where it matters. HAHA being really careful to not talk too much about it cause who knows who is reading. Which is why I'm actually considering moving to wordpress LEL. Can private the blog post without having to make my ENTIRE blog private.

Finally to the last part. Had this chance to open up to Zile and Jianing (on separate occasion) about the things I have been through. And I realised just how much of me I have given up because I don't like myself and I didn't believe myself enough. But no, this is not going to be post about me being determined to change and everything because I'm honestly lost about how to go about doing it still.

Maybe one day, I will be that girl who had faith in herself, who was not afraid to try, who will not let her fears limit her. That girl who truly can enjoy dance, who crave for improvement instead of focusing on the things I didn't managed to do. But as of now, it still seem too far. Because some wounds are not yet okay and some scars are still bright red, reminding me all the time about the things that happened.

"Don't lose who you are

In the blur of the stars.

Seeing is deceiving,

Dreaming is believing.

It's okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it's hard

To follow your heart.

Tears don't mean you are losing,

Everyone's bruising.

There's nothing wrong with who you are."