Finding Balance

It has been six weeks since uni started. I already had my first mid-terms (puke blood). Went for most of my CCAs already and met new friends there, well except for synergy, which I'm honestly thinking about pulling out because well I won't be there in Sem1 and Sem2's production is based on Sem1's attendance so...

Went for campvision session 1 on Mon which was a public holiday but nope, hall life is no life so yea back in school in the morning on a public holiday. During the session, there were so many times I really wanted to just nua and give up and be a pile of negative shit cause I was really tired. But I'm glad that I joined this because weirdly enough, the activities really do evoke emotions in me. Especially perseverance push, I didn't dare to say my real goal which is to actually just get out of my dance slump and stop thinking so lowly of myself. But watching someone else do the perseverance push and breaking down, it scared me cause it's allowing my inner demon to have a voice.

Will I ever be okay enough to dare to try new things? Or will I eventually just choose to give up dancing as a whole? I know it's damn immature of me to just give up dance because of a few failures but it's really tough, to be told you aren't good at something you thought you were only good at.

Anyway, really proud of myself for these past 2 weeks. Refusing to give in to peer pressure and just keep to myself and have my own time. I feel like I got used to being alone again so now I'm more efficient when using my time cause I'm not spending half of my time thinking about how to entertain my friends. And also, this period let me see clearly who are those who truly care, who are those who don't. I'm not someone you look for when you have no one. I will be here if you need me but don't ever take me for granted. I had enough people who did that to me and tore me down.

Hall life has been fine. So has all my CCAs, I don't regret joining any of them except for their lapsup timing. Like man, CCA from 7pm to 12am. I died. But yea I truly enjoyed my time there. (:

"Something will happen eventually. I'm scared but I'm enjoying right now too much."

My Ensemble People. HAHA source of joy every mon, wed and fri.

Street Jazz at RHdance. Thank god for RHdance, if not I prolly would stop dancing totally

I miss being confident in what I love to do.