Three Weeks.

It's been 3 weeks since uni started and things are getting worse. It's not just me, everyone around me has commented how I look really tired recently and I can feel it too. For these past week, there were so many times I wanted to just stop what I was doing and just go sleep cause I can't carry on. There were so many times when my mum called and I just wanted to cry (I almost did once). There were so many times I wanted to just shy away from everyone cause I'm too tired to deal with people.

Feeling super disappointed with my performance recently. I let my schedule make a mess out of me, I let dance mess up my priority list in my head, and I let my discipline just fly like that. I missed my first lecture, I slept in my lecture, I overslept a couple of times and I missed my dance audition. What on earth am I doing with my life? I held so much pride in being organised and everything and suddenly, everything is gone.

On Thursday, I finally got the time to talk to Shujing (Thank god for her, she came with me even though she was feeling uncomfortable cause of her period). I didn't realise how much I needed to talk to someone until I spoke to her. I didn't realise how much I was holding in until I poured it out to her. Not that my other friends aren't good enough. Like Jianing, she really tries really hard to be there and making sure I'm not left alone. Zile, she was really stressed up and I barely even got to see her. Enci, she has been so caught up with everything so I don't think it is a good idea to add on. Shujing, I'm sure she has her own problems but she is willing to make the effort, make some time for me, hold my hand and listen to me talk. Like really, thank god for her.

Going back on missing dance audition. The fact that I overslept and missed it haven't really sunk in. But I'm really praying that when it finally sinks in, I wouldn't just break down cause it's dance ensemble, one cca that I was quite intrigued by. And the fact that I let myself become so tired till I overslept and miss something so important scares me. What if I oversleep again and miss something even more important like exams. But honestly, because of this thing, I realised I grew alot. When I realised that it happened, instead of blaming the world for it, instead of sulking, I just put myself back together and went on with my life (cause there was KCIG audition right after that). I'm glad I was able to do that, to stop letting one thing affect my entire performance for the day.

Have not been emotionally stable, with the emotions flying up and down. Need to get my balance back. But on a happier note, I have been satisfying most of my cravings these days. Life izz good. Except I'm probably going to become fat soon.

"I don't know how much more tougher it will become but I know every challenge is a lesson waiting to be learnt."