Been thinking about weird random things. And it is kind of funny talking to shujing about it.
Recently, I see many friends have their boiboi problems already. And then it really got me thinking. It's not like I'm desperate to get a boiboi, it's just hahaha weird how this issue is like starting to affect me(?)
I used to not bother about relationship and I just refuse to think about this issue. Even if my closest friends are having their boiboi issues, I just don't give a damn. I used to treat guys harsher than I treat girls. Basically in front of guys, I'm like an asshole, I give very mean replies and everything. I will NEVER show them the fun and silly side of me. There is always a clear line between me and guys. It's almost like I have a phobia of guys.
But recently, I don't know if it's cause of university life or like rag. I became more comfortable around guys, like I wouldn't go into my usual asshole mode. I treat them just like another human being, another friend. If we ever make skin contact, it doesn't even cross my mind that we did cause like I didn't think so much about it. It's just quite scary to know that I have changed so much in such a small amount of time.
These days, I kind of start thinking like why not me? Is it that there is something wrong with me? I mean it's not like I'm super sad, it just bothers me somedays especially when I'm having very low self-esteem.
Okok enough of all these rambles.
"It's funny how I still haven't really figured out how I feel."
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