6 August 2016 marks the end of my journey in Rag. This journey has been nothing less than awesome and great. It's the place where I grew so much as a person and also the place where I felt accepted for being just me in a large group. I still remember the time when I was still thinking if I want to sign up for Rag cause of my back issue and also I didn't know if I could handle if by any chance I was proven that I'm not as good as before. But I still took the leap of faith and signed up for Rag. I chose Rag over the many freshman orientation projects because I felt like it was more natural to make friends with people who you meet when working together and also those friendships that you make when you dance together are more likely to last.
Let's rewind, it was like Rag dance tryouts. Thinking it was some kind of audition, I was actually really nervous when I went for it. But turns out, tryout meant that you went there to try out the dance and see if you would like to join as a dancer. And I quite enjoyed it. First practice came and I could remember feeling very lonely cause I was really awkward and everything. I almost became a loner cause Zile had something on on that day but Jianing came to save the day, turns out she was in Rag too! I remember being super grateful to have Jianing in that practice (super superficial but I love her to bits now). Socialising at that point in time was still really daunting to me. Firstly because I'm a total awkward turtle and secondly cause people seem to know each other and they somehow have people they know in common like people they meet during open classes and everything.
And really, for the first few weeks, there were so many times I wanted to just quit rag and give up. The genre of dance was so different and I hated feeling and looking like shit doing something that I truly liked and hold pride in. The people were very intimidating to me and I felt like I didn't really belong there.
Fast forward to the second last week of Rag practices. I have pretty much talked to everybody there and I could actually remember their names and everything. And I have gotten to know many of the people there for who they were instead of the weird little details that I used to try remember their names (cause I suck at remembering names). And probably cause we were nearing the performance day which resulted in emotions running crazy, shit happened. I know it's kind of weird why I would include this in cause it's not a very good memory. But I would say I'm actually quite glad that it happened because I felt more attached to the team after things got cleared up. We started to dance for each other, I started to smile more genuinely in the full runs cause I could see others smiling, we started to give meaning to all the initially rather meaningless cheering in finale. I think it was because everything felt right that's why I feel like time passed so quickly. It was day 5 to rag then suddenly it was day 2. And BAM! It was Rag day.
In that moment on stage, I wasn't even thinking. All I was focused on was just the music and also my dear friends who were on the stage with me. I can't exactly remember what happened on stage. I could only vividly remember how I felt before Yanzheng's quick change. I could legit feel my heart pounding through my chest, I couldn't hear anything anymore, my eyes were like fixed on her. When I rushed to her, things initially screwed up and till today, I still feel quite sorry that I cause unnecessary panic for her. I could still remember how I felt my heart drop back in to my stomach and how the sense of guilt starting to bubble up and my tears were legit starting to well up because I was so sure we were going to fail and it was going to be because of me. And I was just on auto pilot, I just continued to help her get into the shirt cause the show still has to go on. Suddenly, Yanzheng stood up and I heard cheering. Then it struck me, we actually barely made it but we did it. I chucked my built up tension in me and moved on with the dance. When we reached the head bobbing part, I remember thinking, "Is this real? Is this really the end already?" And we ended, I put my hand up and I was so reluctant to actually put it down.
Got off the stage, ran to the shelter because I was starting to feel a little faint probably because of my stupid fever which decided to hit me one day before performance. LOL. At that moment, I was like drifting back and forth between being conscious and quite out of it. I remember a few people came by and was looking at me. Super thankful for the girl from NUSSU who stayed by my side until we went back to the holding area. At the holding area, the choreos were all talking. I sat down and I started to get affected by the atmosphere. It's a weird feeling like a wave of emotions just hit me and I started to bawl my eyes out. I was crying for the tension that was built up during quick change, I was crying for the 2 months that I put in, I was crying for the people that were sitting around me cause that would be the last time we would be sitting together for rag.
"the people who were with me throughout this journey"
To all my friends that I made through Rag, I'm thankful to have met each and everyone of you. I think I said this a few times to a few people before. You guys actually make me see myself in a very different light. I used to think that I'm a weirdo and a really boring and serious being that's why I try not to open up to people. But then with you guys, you guys made me feel like you really appreciated seeing that super weird and stupid side of me. I enjoyed feeling really appreciated everyday cause I was quite used to people just taking me for granted at times. I may come across like a very confident person but I am not. I'm probably the person with the lowest self-esteem, I pretty much look down on myself. But thank you for all the love that I received, thank you for all the good times that I have had spent with all of you and thank you really thank you for letting me be me and letting me feel comfortable being me.
Rag opened my eyes to a lot of things. It taught me that there is nothing you can't do if you are willing to put in the hardwork and dedication. It taught me that there is no such thing as being dumb as long as you are being you. It taught me that you don't have to be someone else to be liked. The people I met in Rag were probably the people that I needed to meet when I was in Secondary and JC. And probably I would have turned out a much happier and confident person. But nonetheless, I'm thankful to have met them cause I believe I have changed quite a bit because of them.
"Rag never ends. And I'm grateful that it doesn't"
Onto the photo spam.
"Flag Day"
"Great day with them"
"First dancer outing"
"With the BUILDERS. Full ragmily"
"Our dear 'cage' of fear"
"The COLOURFUL tree. Michael Jackson."
"My Dearest Prejudging Team."
"Dancers in Prejudging."
"Us in the Cage."
"We are free. We are free!!"
"My Socialising Buddz."
"Eyjing-ahhh."
"Shimin and Peiyjing."
"NYDS14/15 Dancers"
"NYDS (with somebody I actually don't know.)"
"Change Pose"
"Whoop. The Choreos."
"MAGENAAAAAA!"
"Michelle! From OLN!"
"Wenshan. The one I keep on bullying."
"Yuelong. Annoys me but I'm too scared of him to retaliate."
"Cannot have awkward space. PUAHAHA."
"Tianwei. First Choreo I talked to."
"Joann. The Happiest Being when quick change succeeded."
"Sherilyn. The Nicest Blue-haired Senior."
"Shani. The Pretty Lady."
"Serene and Melisa. The cutest in very different ways twins."
"Michelle. The one whom I looked for for the struggle part initially."
"Laural. My Partner-work Partner."
"I probably let you suffer because of my lack of arm muscles."
"Junlin. The one who self-invited himself into our trio."
"Xuanming. The vulgar one. HAHA."
"Introducing the Trio."
"Jianing. The one who understands certain things."
"Zile. The one who held me together when I was in doubt."
"Tianwei's Segment."
"Happy Feet."
"Struggles."
"Yuelong's Segment."
"Zile so dope. I mean it."
"Xuanming jumping over Michelle. Whoop."
"Zombie Part."
"The part I really wanted to do."
"Our Zombie Pose."
"My very fail Jete."
"Struggles."
"Still Struggling."
"Struggling...."
"Broke Free."
"The part we cleaned all the time."
"Kick with Power."
"Whips out the Bandana."
"Magena's Part. I wanted to be in it."
"Revelation. It ain't about how hard you get hit."
"It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."
"How much you can take and keep moving forward."
"Quick Change. Most Stressful Job."
"Barely succeeded. But we did it."
"I got this feeling."
"I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops. WOOOH."
"Just imagine, just imagine, just. HA. HA. HA. Ha-ha."
"Nothing I can see but you when you dance dance dance."
"Can't stop this feeling. (Got this feeling in my body)"
"Performance ended. But we go on."
Finally reached the end.
Watch this And Enjoy.
And I realised something when I was looking through the photos. My side profile looks good when I'm dancing LOL.
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