Conflicted.

Haish, mid terms are coming up and I'm barely ready for them. OH GAWDDD. Is this going to be my life for my entire uni journey? ): But okay lah, honestly I'm not super dying yet. I just need to get my shit together and really start mugging. I thought I would do really badly for my PL2131 and my FAS1101 cause stats was horrible like I don't know if I'm correct anot (and I was probably just lucky, most of the questions that I guess I prolly guessed correctly) and well, for fas1101, I suck in English and that is basically it.

Overview essay is due on Friday and I legit only started on Monday, super super screwed up PUAHAHAHA. But anyway, I was consulting my prof about my thesis statement and then wah I was super touched. My prof said that from observing me during tutorial, I'm someone who has really deep thoughts and she really doesn't worry about me not being able to cover my breadth and depth. She said I'm the opposite of everyone else, she ask other people to write more specific but for me, she want me to just focus on one of my idea. And then when she read my thesis statement (the one that I squeezed all my brain juice to do on mon), she was like it was good and that I just need to make minor changes and that she is very glad that this version is a huge improvement from my previous one. HAHA, she even said ask me to record myself when I'm talking to myself about what I wanted to write cause apparently, I express myself better when I speak than when I sit down and think about what I wanted to write and like actually try to phrase it into words. Super happy that I'm not doing too badly for my schoolwork. I was so scared that my Alevel slump haven't ended yet. I mean actually not exactly ended already but now it's easier to overcome.

Received email from synergy about dance camp and I'm actually hesitating whether I should just pull out from the CCA cause I don't think I'm actually getting out of my slump anytime soon. And oh ya, back to the point of the title. I know that the way things unfolded is nobody's fault, especially not theirs. But somehow I don't know how to go around facing them anymore. Like I actually dread seeing people I know now, I keep looking at the ground because at least I don't see them and I can just walk past. It's not that I don't treasure those friendships made but I just don't know how to deal with my own emotions when I'm around them.

Say hi to this woman, Tianran. Legit super thankful for her. I suddenly become super awkward with my RHMP people and the only person that I'm still okay with is her. I mean it's super understandable, she is in most of the same cca as me and even in rhmp she in the same items as me so how not to be close. She is probably the only person I can talk to about stuff that I would have been too paiseh to tell anybody else (about rhmp only ah). She is someone I want to keep in my life even after rhmp ends. Like I would actually be damn sad if we just not talk anymore.

Okok, I need to go do work already before I regret it the next morning. Oh btw, I have been super guai with my schedule. Like I make the effort to actually to wake up at 7.30am every morning to eat breakfast and sleep earlier. I feel super proud and yes, it also means more time spent with tianran HAHA. Cause she literally is the only person I can jio to go eat breakfast and dinner without feeling burden or rush to eat anytime cause we facing same cca burden HAHA. Okok bye. HAHA.