Forgotten Interests

So I have been packing my room these few days and I found lots of things that reminded me of the times when I was interested in a certain skill. Like playing the guitar, playing the piano, drawing, make up (yes it is a skill okay?!), singing etc. But looking at me know, I have not even gotten close to mastering any of that. Which is kind of bad cause it shows how 三分钟热度 I am. But to be fair, usually I have to stop cause of school. Like I really have the time to actually indulge myself in these activities during the holidays and they are never really long.

So these few days, I have been back into trying to play the guitar (more like learning). And it hurts like a chicken nugget. I just finish my practice today and my gawd, my fingers are so tender now that it actually hurts to even type now. But persevere Joy, wait for those hardened skin to come, it will be okay.

Realise I am really arts-inclined. Like I have literally no interest in picking up any sports. Too much work, too lazy. HAHAH. But at the same time, I'm too timid and too self-conscious to explore and allow myself to grow. I don't really dare to showcase my skills outside unless I'm sure of myself (which is rarely). Even dance. You may be shock considering how I have been dancing for... forever? But I can still get really self-conscious when I freestyle or when I teach. Like the fear of screwing up is real. Let's not even talk about the street genres. I think getting rejected blast really hit me really hard. Even though I never really expected myself to get in, the failure still hit me really hard especially since one, it is my first time being willing to try and two, all my friends around me got accepted in. Have been really conscious about street dances ever since. There isn't one time I go for any form of class without saying or genuinely feeling like a potato. But I can't deny that I am really interest in that spectrum of dance. Like I feel like a potato but I still want to try BUT I'm too afraid of looking and more importantly, feeling stupid.

Singing too. I always had this like interest in singing. I don't know I just always wanted to sing well. I genuinely don't think I sing well and I really want to get better at it. But RHMP happened and really scared the shit out of me. Like I can never sing in public without feeling conscious. I can't sing into a mic and not blank out. I can't sing with people I'm not close to cause I feel like I'm judged. But I still want to sing. And hopefully one day, I will be able to sing comfortably and whenever I want.

More so, I hope one day, I would get to the point where I can properly do all the things I want. Like actually mastering at least the basics. Jack of all trades, I want to be at least that. HAHHA

"Don't judge. I mean even if you do, don't let me know."