Expectations.

" When you try your best and you don't succeed."

Sometimes when you put in all your effort to try for something and not only do you do not see the result you want to see, you begin to move even further from what you initially set out to achieve.

I put in really a lot of effort to actually try to open up to people and make friends. But more often than not, I just end up being an awkward turtle and being EVEN more anti-social. I don't know if it's just the people or what. This sem, the people I meet are either not of the same wavelength or like they legit just make friends with me and be friendly with me only when they really need me. There are so many times I just want to give up and go back to being the hermit that I was last semester. At least last sem, I had the energy to go keep in contact with my old friends but this sem, cause of all the new friends, I become so socially zapped that I just don't want to deal with socialising altogether.

I also try my very best to keep pushing myself in dance. But time and time again, I find myself not up to standard and worse, I can't even do what I could do last time and then I end up getting injured so much easily now. I'm once toying with the thought of just pulling out of dance because I just no longer have confidence in myself. Because now I'm determined to regain my confidence, I put in more effort and I subconsciously have higher expectations of myself. Only to end up being proven that I'm actually not good enough or feel the strain in my muscles because I'm not strong enough.

This sem I told myself to keep doing consistent work. I really put in a lot of effort to do so. But I find myself really lagging behind not in terms of just workload but also test/ quizzes kind. Like I went for tutorials and I really couldn't understand any shit that was going in my tutorial.

Sorry for the emo word vomit. It's something I have been wanting to say or rather I have been subtly hinting to a lot of my friends but they either didn't get it or they don't want to really bother about it or they don't know how to react or they just don't think that it's too much of a problem. I don't know. But I really just want to get out of this little 'slump', feel better and find the balance in my life again.